I am dashing back and forth trying to get as much cleaning done before the little ones return with dad, and the older ones wake. I am sweating and I am scrubbing and I have not eaten breakfast. I am grabbing my opportunity, because Toddler these days, does not allow for eyes off her for more than a second.
I have my iPhone on its Bose dock that plays through its speaker my worship play list. Spray is on the mirrors in the bathroom and srubbing bubbles doing its action on the shower tile. I am harried and I am hurried and I am hungry. I Surrender (Jesus Culture: Awakening) is playing and perhaps Jealous God, Holy Spirit takes His opportunity to arrest my heart once again, because I am compelled to stop my hectic self. I am drawn to focus fully on Him, my One and all.
♫ Here at your feet laying down everything…
All to You I surrender…
Everything every part of me…♫
Martha, remember Mary?
The good part will not ever be taken from me. God will not take it from me. The devil cannot take it from me. But I could and have yielded it, allowing the distractions and busyness of this life to take the place of sitting at His feet.
I offer Him my heart. I plead, “Take it all! God it’s all Yours!”
I look at my iPhone, that in recent times has been more than a time waster. When I pick it up now, I purpose to use it to grow to help me love God more, in some way or another. But, I still offer it to Him.
I glance over at my laptop open on the dresser. There are enough pages open that I am certain could crash my computer. My blog admin page, Facebook, Pinterest, calendar, many many Pages’ pages of my journal writing, software updates, iTunes, email and this and that, all sitting idle vying for my attention.
Short of throwing the laptop into the air, I offer it to Him. All of it. All of me. “Only You can satisfy.”
I can fill my life until empty, with activities that cannot satisfy the deep yearning of my soul. Yet, it is my divine call to seek Him, and my sacred privilege as one of the redeemed to be able to dwell in His Presence, and walk out my life on this earth with the reality of the nearness of my God.
I am nothing without Him. I am committed to this blog. To writing. To offering myself in some way, wanting to help others and point the way to Him, the only Way. But I wonder, is it really going anywhere? Is it really reaching anyone?
Sometimes, I feel foolish and embarrassed and want to hide, yet no one can even see me. Fearing the pain it feels to be a reject, but not wanting to retreat again to a life hiding from people. Fortifying my heart, letting no love in, and no love out, is a dark, depressing and deathly way to live that I do not ever want to go back to. I continue trusting the Guardian of my soul Who knows what is it to love without the promise of it in return.
“The words I write are a sacrifice, my act of worship,
offered because I am looking for You to take joy in me.“
He reminds me, “Write ONLY for Me.”
Help me write the words unto You, as if You are the only One reading. Jesus, I am trying to grab hold of You Lord. You grab a hold of me, and I am undone in your Presence. Cleanse my heart, oh Lord, that I might live to bring You glory, that I might live to please You, and that I might live for what is most important to You.
May my shadowed life begin to glow in the darkness and be bathed in Son-light. I feel so obscure, and yet my light is to shine. Light of men, Light of me, shine in me.
I pray that as I spend myself on behalf of the hungry, and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, that I may be like a stream of water whose waters do not fail. As You said, “streams of living water will flow.” Let the streams flow and satisfy the thirsty.
(Isaiah 58:10-11, John 7:38)
♫ If worship’s like perfume, I lavish mine on you…
No turning back…I’ve made up my mind…
I’m giving all of my life this time…♫
Even as I return to wipe down the now spotted mirrors,
and rinse the intoxicating scrubbing bubbles off the tile…