I joke around, yet I am completely serious. We text back and forth. She assures me, she has me covered in case I hyperventilate. I cannot help the physiological changes that occur during stage-fright. My palms will be sweaty, muscles will tremble, my fingers will go tingly numb, my sense of time will be distorted, and might ramble on and on as fast as my racing heart is beating.
That is exactly how I felt. After 3 water bottles that morning, my mouth still felt like cotton. I went to the bathroom 5 times before it was my turn to take the platform. I was surrounded by beautiful china and beautiful souls. Before me was my empty elegant tea cup, and plated on centerpieces were scones I was told were heavenly. I never had a taste. I thought if I had even a morsel, I would not keep it down.
Then the woman who invited me to speak at her tea, the one whose belief in me has propelled me forward, the one whose encouragement has strengthened me — introduces me with words that humble, words underserving — words God deserving. Then she offers me a gift. She brings it to me right where I am seated. Up-close now, I am able to read the words, and I am undone.
This verse transformed me three years ago as it was spoken deeply into my spirit, by His Spirit that leads into all the truth. These words compel me to click the publish button, still today — God is NOT a secret to be kept… by opening up with others, I will prompt others to open up with God.
I notice one, and it takes my breath away. I know they are all there and my searching eyes find them — the name of my husband and the names of all my children. The name of my blog, which is more than just a blog — it is truly my life surrendered to Him.
I then read the words that affirm — words that she chose to describe me. Is this how she sees me? These words are part of my soul, woven into the fibers of my being. Dare I believe them? My dreams, I have kept at arms length for so long, afraid to call them my own. Now, I am holding them — I can feel, I am just about ready to embrace them.
I am reminded, right before I take the platform and the mic, why I am here. I am ready to lay my heart bare about how I stumble and fall into the net called GRACE. The fear melts away, and I am ready to speak words of liberating truth that I have gained, that I pray will bring hope and healing. Even though my nerves still try and get the better of me, inside I stand in quiet confidence.
I am thankful for this gift. I wonder if she knew how the power of these words would establish me in this moment — fortify me and make it easier for me to stand just a bit taller. I had been disillusioned about my calling for so long, and seeing these words in writing, having her believe them and believe in me, helps anchor me in my purpose. I stand confident in who I am in God, because my identity is already settled in Christ.
I do not know what part my blog has in God’s BIG-PICTURE-PLAN for my life, but today and everyday I offer Him what is in my hands. No matter how small it may seem to me, it can be something great in the hands of a BIG GOD! So into His hands, I surrender it all, again.
Click here, Wondrous Grace Scriptures, to print the scripture references and the Godly affirmations that go with my talk.
Here is part 2 of my talk…
You can read the post here and find part 1, or you can listen by clicking the links below.
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