I said Wednesday, didn’t I? Yeah, I wanted to get this post written by Wednesday and my intentions were good. But this is how it’s been going for me. It just doesn’t go the way I plan these days.
Have you ever heard of the Strengths Finder Test? Well, there’s a test and a book, and according to Tom Rath, there are 35 strengths or themes and one of them is adaptability. When someone has adaptability as a strength, they’re the kind of person that can easily go with the flow. Yeah, not me. I don’t have that. Or at least I do in short supply. And it definitely didn’t show up on the list of my first top 5 strengths.
However, my life is ebbing and flowing seemingly out of control and all over the place. I am finding myself needing to go with it, without putting up too much resistance. Otherwise I just end up frustrated and making everyone else crazy.
Well, I want to continue where I started with Monday’s post. Click here if you’d like to read that. I told you there were some things I learned on my blog break. I did. And I’m still learning, of course. That break was a tough one. Not because I pulled away, but I was in and still am in an acute, personal, inner struggle.
Do you ever feel out of sorts? Like something is not right? Just blah? Not. Fun.
So, I suppose you can say there is an unsettling in my soul and spirit. Life is rubbing up against me pretty hard, and the friction it’s creating is more like an agitation and it’s very uncomfortable — inside and out.
But I think it’s by divine design that I am. It motivating me toward change. There’s a gap, more like a chasm, between where I am and where I want to be.
I’m not content. I’m not happy with myself or my life. And it doesn’t do me any good to hide it. I’ve been in this place before and I recognize it. And while I was on the blog break this last time, I wondered how I would be able to come back.
How can I blog with this heart condition? How do I encourage from a discouraged place? How do I reflect Jesus when I’m in an ugly frame of mind? Last time, I didn’t have a blog. In actuality, last time I found myself this discontented, this blog was the result.
Before I came back to the online world this week, I had a decision to make: 1. Quit blogging until I come out of this “funk.” Or, 2. Continue as I press in and press on and press through and share the struggle of the journey while I’m on it — uncertainties and all. And I have a lot these days.
I choose the latter. I’m not quitting. There I said it. I. Am. Not. Quitting. I am at the intersection between dissatisfaction and change. And I know it’s time for change. And not just blog change, but personal change. And change never comes without resistance. Change is not easy, but necessary for growth.
“People are anxious to improve their circumstances but are unwilling to improve themselves, they therefore remain bound.”— John C. Maxwell, The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth
[Ooh, I’ve got a story to tell you about that book. I’m reading it now, and you’ll be hearing more about it.]
Sometimes my overwhelming feelings and heavy, negative thoughts seem more powerful than the truth — they are not. I still hold the Truth and the Truth holds me. And, I must find follow the Truth, too. It’s the Truth that will change me. And free me, also.
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