When you know it’s time for change…

I said Wednesday, didn’t I? Yeah, I wanted to get this post written by Wednesday and my intentions were good. But this is how it’s been going for me. It just doesn’t go the way I plan these days.

Have you ever heard of the Strengths Finder Test? Well, there’s a test and a book, and according to Tom Rath, there are 35 strengths or themes and one of them is adaptability. When someone has adaptability as a strength, they’re the kind of person that can easily go with the flow. Yeah, not me. I don’t have that. Or at least I do in short supply. And it definitely didn’t show up on the list of my first top 5 strengths.

However, my life is ebbing and flowing seemingly out of control and all over the place. I am finding myself needing to go with it, without putting up too much resistance. Otherwise I just end up frustrated and making everyone else crazy.

Well, I want to continue where I started with Monday’s post. Click here if you’d like to read that. I told you there were some things I learned on my blog break. I did. And I’m still learning, of course. That break was a tough one. Not because I pulled away, but I was in and still am in an acute, personal, inner struggle.

Do you ever feel out of sorts? Like something is not right? Just blah? Not. Fun.

So, I suppose you can say there is an unsettling in my soul and spirit. Life is rubbing up against me pretty hard, and the friction it’s creating is more like an agitation and it’s very uncomfortable — inside and out.

But I think it’s by divine design that I am. It motivating me toward change. There’s a gap, more like a chasm, between where I am and where I want to be.

I’m not content. I’m not happy with myself or my life. And it doesn’t do me any good to hide it. I’ve been in this place before and I recognize it. And while I was on the blog break this last time, I wondered how I would be able to come back.

How can I blog with this heart condition? How do I encourage from a discouraged place? How do I reflect Jesus when I’m in an ugly frame of mind? Last time, I didn’t have a blog. In actuality, last time I found myself this discontented, this blog was the result.

Before I came back to the online world this week, I had a decision to make: 1. Quit blogging until I come out of this “funk.” Or, 2. Continue as I press in and press on and press through and share the struggle of the journey while I’m on it — uncertainties and all. And I have a lot these days.

I choose the latter. I’m not quitting. There I said it. I. Am. Not. Quitting. I am at the intersection between dissatisfaction and change. And I know it’s time for change. And not just blog change, but personal change. And change never comes without resistance. Change is not easy, but necessary for growth.

“People are anxious to improve their circumstances but are unwilling to improve themselves, they therefore remain bound.”– John C. Maxwell, The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth

[Ooh, I’ve got a story to tell you about that book. I’m reading it now, and you’ll be hearing more about it.]

Sometimes my overwhelming feelings and heavy, negative thoughts seem more powerful than the truth — they are not. I still hold the Truth and the Truth holds me. And, I must find follow the Truth, too. It’s the Truth that will change me. And free me, also.

Speaking of thoughts, I managed to scratch out a post over at 5MinutesforFaith.com about them. Read it…?


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  • http://youaremygirls.com/ Jennifer Camp

    Michele-Lyn, I am thankful that you are gifting us with more of your powerful, beautiful faith–through the testimony of your faith-walk as you write your heart here. Just stunning, friend. Love to you. xo

  • KimTeamer

    I am new here, for the most part, but I really wanted to chime in and encourage you. You are so loved in Christ and appreciated by this heart. The place of which you speak is well known to me. It’s an unusually peculiar place, but as you breathe through it and you let God carry you, you’ll begin to see the promise of a new hope and future. I’m so not kidding. You are transitioning. Close your eyes and reflect, liken this place, this experience to the birth of a butterfly. You are about to break through, just keep pushing. You are covered in prayer. May grace enfold you.
    One more thing…your honest heart and words reveal much in the way of courage and strength, both of which are needed for change. God is present.
    Big Hugs!

  • http://myfreshlybrewedlife.com/ Barbie

    Through tears I say thank you, my friend, for being courageous. I know this place you are in. I find myself there more times than I care to count. But I have finally come full circle and realize that I can be weak and broken and know that my words will still touch and minister to others, because truly, they are not my words at all. Or at least, that is my prayer. Authenticity here in the blog world is hard. It’s being willing to continue on walking forward when you want to run the other direction. It’s hard to share through the hard places. It’s so hard to put our weak and broken selves out for others to see. The Lord will not call you to share everything in your life. Some things will remain just between you and Him. But I know that He’s called you. He’s done so much in your life and it does not surprise me that you find yourself in this place. But you will rise up from the ashes, stronger and full of JOY! Yes, there’s a gap in your soul. And God so desperately wants to fill that gap. And you will allow Him too, I know you will. I want to thank you for hanging in there. My heart fell a little, because I thought that perhaps you were going to step away from blogging. And I would have been okay with that, because I know God would have confirmed it. But I am thankful He is allowing you to continue. Don’t try to figure it out. Don’t try to be what you are not. Just be. And in the being and in the laying down, He will give you the words. Oh how you have touched my heart. I am excited to share a journey I will be taking as a result of much of what you have shared on your blog. You touch my soul. You are a life giver. Oh how He smiles upon you! Let’s plan that phone chat! I would love to hear your voice! I LOVE you so much, truly, I do!

    • http://www.alifesurrendered.com/ Michele-Lyn

      Barbie,

      It’s new for me to be in this place and blogging and I understand what you say, “I can be weak and broken,” and still share my words and my story. I do pray that others will be ministered to along the way. And the “running the other direction” part, I know, too. Oh, the struggle has been real. Thank you for the words of truth and life that He will not leave me in this place. I believe that. And that He will fill that empty place. I am going to just be, as you say. I’ve decided that there is no better way, than to just be and be myself, no matter where I am in the process of transformation. I am so very blessed to have such a genuine, dedicated, woman of God like you to journey with. And one I gladly and gratefully call friend. Even my husband knows you by name. :) I’ve got much to learn from you. <3

  • http://crystalstine.blogspot.com/ Crystal

    Where was I for this gorgeous blog redesign? I adore it so much! And you are on my heart tonight & in my prayers. Praying that you would find answers, clarity, peace, and rest in the arms of the Father. (and I’m SO glad you aren’t quitting. I need your voice, here in this space. You inspire me.)

    • http://www.alifesurrendered.com/ Michele-Lyn

      Crystal,

      The blog design is only a week new. :) You didn’t miss it. I’m glad to have you here now. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to communicate much this last week. It’s just been… well, crazy. Thank you for your prayers. I know they have sustained me. I almost feel I don’t deserve them. It’s crazy to say that, and I know that your friendship to me is also God’s love to me. Thank you for that. Thank for all of it. <3 I love you.

      • http://crystalstine.blogspot.com/ Crystal

        Love you, friend. Keep your chin up. God walks with you.