I peered a little too far into my past, only highlighting defeat and loss.

When we are struggling with something, whether it be a sense of failure, disappointment, or pain, we can become hyper focused on all that is wrong. We pick out only negative parts of our lives, seeing all the holes and all that’s missing — forgetting that it is Christ that makes us whole, filling all in all.

God sees how all the parts, good and made to be good, work together in the bigger picture of His plan. He works all things for good according to His purpose. And sometimes He is the only one that can show us this about our lives.

God doesn’t condemn us in the struggle or for the struggle. The struggle is evidence of a wrestling and a decision not to settle where you are, but a pushing forward, a pressing in toward transformation and greater surrender.

So this overwhelming sense of failure that I’ve dealt with personally over the last few months, even to the point of bringing the past into my present — God is using. He is using it to draw me out from a place of defeat.

He is using it to change my perspective on all that I might consider as loss. He is teaching me what He values, and reminding me He will not lead me astray, nor allow my foot to slip.

He speaks to my heart about my distant past — years I counted lost.

You desire to reach the world, because you care about what I care about. But I look at the years you gave to your husband and children and how you laid down your life for them, and I honor that more than any other ministry you think is greater.

You want to please Me, and you don’t know I am already pleased.

I am pleased all the times that you choose them over what you want to do.
All the times that you stay, when you want to go.
All the times you go, when you want to stay.

All the times you don’t know what to do or where to go, so you land on your knees and cry out to Me on their behalf. Because sometimes you, as his wife and their mother, are the only one who truly knows the intimate workings and needs of their lives. Sometimes, you are the only one that is standing in the gap for them. And as you pray, their futures are being re-written.

You speak My Word over them, and it does not return void, but carries out what it was sent to. You speak My Word to them, and it may not seem like they understand or even care, but they don’t have to, yet. It is a seed that is planted. A seed that is watered and will bear fruit in their lives, as I cause the growth. My Word is living and active.

Is there any other that cares more for their souls than their mother? Than you? How you cultivate the mission field in your home, plant and water, turn up rocky soil, break up the fallow ground, until your fingers blister and your soul aches, and you still do not relent — I see, and I remember.

And how beautiful are your bare-feet that walk a thousand miles back and forth over the same floor only to remain in the same room, a living epistle of the Gospel for them to see and read. And a million times you bend over to pick up toys, socks, crumbs, paper scraps, and feel the sting in your back, and do it without complaining — I remember.

I remember each time, and I keep count. The number of times you bow low to look into their eyes, so they know you hear them, even though you have a million other things on your mind, things to do and accomplish, goals and dreams, and you lay them down each time you choose to listen to only them — rambling on about some nonsensical tale — fully loved by you — Me loving them through you.

You choose to see the potential of the still baby form of their gifts, the gift-seeds I’ve put in them. You look and see what the seedlings could become, far reaching into this world bearing fruit that others may partake of. What greatness they have inside of them, because I put it there.

And you have seen the vision for their lives, because you’ve have sought Me for it. And, now you fight for it. So, you know every time you bend low you are not just living for this moment in time, but for eternity, for the great harvest of their souls, and those souls they will reach with their lives.

And your husband, the great man of God I am making him to be, I’ve done with you by his side. I chose you for him. I chose you as the help-mate perfectly suited for him and the plan and call I have on his life. You didn’t know all those years you surrendered, ones you thought you gave up your call to ministry for, were really given to a great ministry — one with unspoken honors on the earth. But on My side of heaven, it is one of the callings worthy of praise even from the angels — serving your husband.

I am making a man of God out of man, and I am using your surrender. All those years you fought to hold on to Me, you were fighting for your family, too. And for your husband’s soul, with a real war waged on behalf of his whole heart. You stand in the gap, seeing the latter as greater than the former, seeing that I have more for you all. You remain unwilling to settle for less, having tasted of My glory and goodness. You remain relentless, holding on to Me, yet choosing not pass your husband and run without him.

You’ve said, “I cannot go further than my husband.” And you thought many times he was holding you back. But you COULD go further, and you choose to stay with him. You could have, many times, gone places without him, and you didn’t. You had the choice all along, but you chose to surrender, you chose to yield, and you still choose to submit under My hand.

You have no idea of how all that you thought didn’t matter, matters to Me. How lovely are your treasures are heaven with Me, waiting for you, and I wait for that day to give them to you. You will then see the beauty and splendor of this kind of surrender. It feels like it cost you everything, because no one can give up their own desires without inward bleeding, a mortal pain of your dying. But this is the way of my Kingdom.

“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal. If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also; if anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him.” John 12:23-27 (NASB)

All that you think you’ve lost, all the time that’s gone by, all the years you felt like you were worthless, and what you were doing was worthless, I’m holding and count as more precious and valuable than you could know. They were given as seeds, they were given as offerings to Me. Many times you wanted to quit, but you did not grow weary in doing good. I cannot be mocked, whatever you have sown, you will also reap — in due time.

And your time is coming.

You have no idea of the harvest that is before you. All those years sowing in tears, will be returned with joy, rejoicing for the harvest of righteousness. Even then, I will not count it as mattering more than what you have given, your whole life laid down for your husband and children, that they might know Me.

Because of this, I honor you, my daughter.

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Africa Trip Update: Funds for Phase 2 of the Rescue Home project are still being raised. The fundraising, construction, and furnishing of our 4th Rescue home, which will provide care for 10 more abandoned babies. Click here to learn more.