As I sit typing thoughts as they come on my little iPhone Notes app while holding a sleeping baby in my arms and listening to the music playing on my iPod in the background, I realize the same song has been on repeat. It is “Like an Avalanche”, by Hillsong UNITED. It is the cry of my heart right now, but I wonder how it got on repeat. I turn it up and I listen to the words.
Take my life…
Take all that I am…
With all that I am I will love you…
Take my heart…
Take all that I have…
Jesus, how I adore you
Then suddenly I realize, the Holy Spirit has met me in this humble corner of my room while I sit rocking Baby in my chair I bought from Craigslist. I begin to weep. Now it is holy ground. I put my baby, who is sleeping soundly by now, in her crib and I cannot help but drop to the floor.
The song continues…
And I… find myself here on my knees again…
Caught up in grace like an avalanche…
Nothing compares to this love …love …
love burning in my heart
I think briefly of the past and all its pain and all its struggles and how He has brought me through. In a moment, the thoughts flood over me, “He has never left me or given up on me, even through all the times I’ve missed the mark, all the times I have hurt those who are closest to me, and all the times I have complained.” I weep even more deeply now. I know He is here and He is listening. My rug becomes my altar. I offer myself. I believe again, “It is possible for God to do something with this life. Not only can He, but He wants to. Somewhere there is a wife and mama who is going through the same things that I have, and I could bring her hope.” The song is still playing.
Savior and Friend… Breathing Your life into my heart…
Your Word is a lamp unto my path…
Forever I’m humbled by your love
I stand up and I weep and I pray and I worship…Take my life…Take all that I am…
It is my heart’s cry. I pray from the depth of my being and after a few moments of being lost in His Love.
I look around and notice the pile of dirty clothes in my closet awaiting the washing machine, as there is a load in each the washer and dryer already. I see the unmade bed and my desk with papers piled high that I am sure need my attention. I now notice the vacuum sprawled out on the floor next to me, left there from an earlier attempt to use it. I glance over and smile at the little crib I still have in the corner of my bedroom, with an even littler sleeping baby in it.
This is holy ground? This is holy ground because He is here, He has drawn near. I cry and I laugh. This is what He wants. He wants to be in the middle of it ALL. This is “what and why” I need to share my life surrendered to Him. He does not want us to walk alone…
He wants to fill every nook and cranny of our REAL LIFE….messes
failures, weaknesses and all… with His GRACE, His Holy PRESENCE,
His WORD, and His LOVE.
Click here to listen to song… “Like an Avalanche”