In my homeschool journal, during one of my low places earlier this week, while pouring out my heart to God, I scratched out these words…
I am feeling heavy, and like I will fall under the weight.
Today the joy of homeschooling is being stifled by thoughts niggling, “I am not doing enough. The kids should be farther along. They do it so much better than I do, those Martha Stewart homeschooling Super mamas.”
Somedays I feel accomplished if everyone did a math lesson.
When my most studious child voices, “They are so smart,” I know she is really saying she thinks she is not. I cannot help but consider it my fault. I wonder, “Am I failing her? Am I really doing what is best for her? For them?”.
She cannot compare. I cannot compare. It is human nature, isn’t it? To compare? To see someone doing it their way and then thinking less of your own?
God called me for this. I believe it! He somehow, by His grace, qualified me to homeschool my children. He provides, and we make Him the center of our days.
I will not let thoughts opposing me become shackles I wear. While my insecurities may amplify the lies resounding from the enemy who prowls, I will not yield to the falsehoods that haunt and hinder. Casting off every weight that encumbers, I run my race.
I am equipped to run this race, not because of my adequacies, but because of His.
2 Corinthians 3:5
He spoke to Paul first, and He whispers it to me daily…
My grace, My favor, My loving-kindness, and My mercy is enough for you. My strength and power are made perfect and shown most effective in your weakness.
2 Corinthians 12:9
He gave me this life. He entrusted me my children. He is more fully aware, than even I, of each of their weaknesses and each of their strengths. Where I fit into the big picture of their lives to help them with both, only God’s grace will reveal. As a homeschooling mama, I am always weighing in the balance what is most important with what is on the “To-Do-List. I am raising them to be disciples of Christ, drawing out their potential, fostering their growth, practicing academic excellence while resisting the temptation to idolize it. I know my call, and I answer my call.
In resistance to the badgering from the enemy who opposes every work of God, I magnify the Lord with thanksgiving, and continue to count His abundant graces to me. I am grateful for the handiwork of Father God in my life, and the lives of my children.
To Him, I offer up thanks for…
137. a husband who is a faithful, loving father and spiritual leader of our home.
138. the gift of everyday I am privileged to live answering the high call of homeschooling mama.
139. a husband who works diligently, faithfully, and lovingly to provide for me so I may stay home as a mama.
140. God equipping me with favor, grace and abundant provisions.
141. being led by the Spirit of God in directing my children’s Christ centered education.
142. hiding the word in our hearts while teaching reading and writing.
143. being a witness to Son’s growth and listening to his amazing progress as he perseveres in learning to read, even though, while teaching my struggling reader, there were many days I felt like quitting.
144. feeding horses together and having the TIME to enjoy doing it.
145. pre-teen Horse-Lover being able to have time to live her passions.
146. toddler-baby-country-girl absolutely in love with anything horsey… just like her big-sis.
147. a wagon to use to haul hay when the Polaris dies on us.
148. Husband taking off work to take us to Busch Gardens on Valentine’s Day.
149. opportunities to leave home, just about ANYTIME we want, to learn and play.
150. Grandma taking sweet care of baby girl while we do lessons.
151. patience and love that Grandma shows while baby girl is experiencing her world, even for a ladybug.
152. an On-Your-Own box that I can send Son to when I cannot sit with him for lessons.
153. Vis-a-Vis markers & page protectors that save me from printing hundreds of pages for drills.
154. the same for while learning one of my favorite subjects… Geography.
155. active, squirmy, wiggly Son having a bouncy chair for sitting during lessons.
Visit here to view on Amazon: Gaiam Balance Ball Chair (Black)
158. the right to write my own plans and having lessons checked off as complete.
162. capturing precious moments with two of my beautiful gifts, while still endeavoring to do the math lesson on my bed,
163. and watching our math-time turn into play-time, after baby girl stripped down.
165. living all of these, and infinitely more precious great moments with my most valuable gifts, creating memories that I will hide away in the archives of my heart, as priceless treasures for the rest of my days.
166. Ann Voskamp for encouraging us to focus on and count these love gifts from Him, so that we may be filled with joy and give God praise, even through the hardest and messiest of days.