After consonant digraphs and key word outlines, groups of 3 and improper fractions, sentence diagramming and diapers, Theodore Roosevelt and the elements in the periodic table, this homeschooling mama is craving some “ME TIME” to recharge. Toddler baby girl is sleeping soundly, and I sigh deeply, as I settle in my seat.

Then, SLAM, goes the front door, and I hear my determined one yelling at her brother right outside the window baby girl is napping near. Her head pops up, and then it happens. Like volcanic lava, I erupt from my seat, shoot out the door, and spew molten words. She woke baby up over something so silly. But, it is not only hers–the Polaris she was ordering brother not to use.

 

I yell at her for yelling and slamming the door.

 

Then I return to the room, and I slam the door. I scoop up still sleepy baby girl, hoping she will return to her nap.  As I sit rocking, I feel her body go heavy and my heart goes heavy. I failed again. I am to lead by example, and I reprimand for the very same action I do. Then I think of the comments from precious new friends I want to respond to and wonder, “How can I love and offer myself to strangers and leave my own daughter estranged?”

I return toddler to her bed and pursue my determined one. I must go reconnect and reconcile. This incident, that only lasted a few seconds, can cause damage to our relationship that lasts a lifetime. I see beyond today, into the years when she has a choice to come or go, to linger or haste away.

What will our relationship be like after she has spread her wings to fly? Only by grace, will it be everything I hope for. But today, I have with her, and I do not miss my opportunity to draw near. I confess my weakness to her and ask for her forgiveness. With grace, she receives me.

I fail daily and my children need to know that I KNOW, I do. As I teach the lessons that Jesus taught to show us how to live, I am never excluded from needing to learn the same ones, right along with them. I desire to bridge the gap from what I believe and what I teach, to what I really do. In my life there ought to be an “alignment between conviction and action, belief and behavior.”   (Pastor Andy Stanley ) Whether or not there is, they model, what I model.

 

I practice to exhibit the kind of love that is tender-hearted and gentle, kind and not easily angered. I stumbled badly because she was making NOISE, yet I am only making NOISE, if I have not love. I desire more than anything to walk true and authentic in every area of my life, but especially at home, always mindful of the character my children will inherit from me, and the legacy I will leave them.

 

I purpose to make sure they know we walk TOGETHER in His grace.

This I can do, only by His GRACE.

Here is my list of counting gifts. I am thankful for…

217. Husband coming upstairs after a long day’s work, where I am de-cluttering and reorganizing,  and asking without prompting, “What can I do to help?”

218. being able to close the door on Husband napping and smiling because I get to return the favor.

219. the satisfaction of reading a book cover to cover and the excitement of opening and staring a new one.

220. listening to Husband lovingly play with baby girl.

221. understanding what an ONC is in grammar.

222. eldest daughter phoning to say she is okay, after the car behind her got rear-ended

223. Husband’s garage sale find–a drumset that son haas been wanting for years.

224. perfect weather divine… cool and breezy.

225. driving to feed horses with hay on the car because the Polaris has no gas, while sitting next to pre-teen beauty, listening to her sing worship to God, with a beautiful voice she does not know she has.

226. my husband’s unending support.

227. listening to young students at Classical Conversations read their papers written about their freedom to worship God.

228. Big sis and baby girl playing.

229. a belated birthday card, with a gift.

230. dinner club with husband listening to speakers passionate about building and strengthening families.

231. The Great Shepherd, who still speaks, and as one of His sheep, He promised I can hear.

If you were encouraged by this post, would you consider sharing it 

with someone who might also be encouraged?

With humble thanks.