How do I find beauty in the ugly, and welcome the unwanted? How do I give thanks in the midst of troubles all around? Search and seek out, with eyes wide open, and heart surrendered to a God Who promises every good and perfect gift comes from His able hand.
I’ll do best by filling my mind and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what I learned from Paul, what I heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work me into His most excellent harmonies.
Phil 4:8
And in all things, give thanks.
Small businesses, especially the construction kind of which ours is, are still cleaning up the damage of the economic quake. Husband is having to deal with more than I could ever bear. Some of it is hitting very close to home, although he endeavors to keep the legal dealings separate. We have to protect some assets, as the bank has changed hands and changed rules. Although it measures only peanuts to them, the roaring lion is after some of our lively hood.
232. Husband, in the middle of moving the business after the sale of the building that housed it, bearing these loads and so much more, drops them at the door and embraces the ones he does all this for.
233. He loves and supports and works hard but refuses to let work, work him hard.
234. His hands, gentle enough to wash fragile glass that fills the sink, tender enough hold precious little lives in them, strong and powerful enough to tackle giants, and humble enough to cast his care and trust.
235. He does not fear or get dismayed, but rests the One Who promises the battle is not ours but His, and He will fight it for us.
These same hands holding littlest one in restless sleep, early in the week. I hear her coughing in a strangely way, from where I sit at the kitchen table nearby. I almost say before it comes. Then it comes. I dart from behind my computer screen. I rush to the laundry room to grab a towel, and hasten to two of my loves, covered in curdled milk that came up with a stench. I hand off the towel to daddy covered in her slime. I scoop baby up and drop sleepy girl in the tub for a rinse. After clean up, it is not long before baby girl asleep, still in her towel, next to daddy. I have returned back to writing, and I hear her again. And again I dash and scoop her up, strip the bed, and clean up.
I pray. She cannot do this all night as her tiny frame will end up dehydrated.
236. God answers, as she sleeps soundly the rest of the night and eldest beauty cares for her healed and whole, in the morning.
I am at the first of 2 appointments mid-week. Pre-teen beauty needs 2 stubborn baby molars extracted, as 2 rebellious permanent molars are coming in cross.
237. I watch her brave and strong, as gentle skillful hands work.
238. And Husband’s too, as he works and provides for this necessary procedure.
Then, the next morning is for braces. There could be no delay, so neighboring molars do not crowd in the empty space. Painlessly they went on, but painfully throughout the afternoon, tears pour, and I coddle and remember the discomfort. Within a day of new braces, she too is dealing with the stomach bug.
239. But beauty is found in her 12 year old hand intertwined with mine, even though the other is grasping metal bowl ready to catch.
240. We sleep head to head on the sofa as I get to lay hands and pray for her throughout the night, thinking of how fast she is growing into a young woman, and thankful for these moments able to care for her.
241. Son leaves early from a friend’s house dealing with the same sickly issue, but Sweet Spirit is more concerned with making more work for me, than his upset belly.
This weekend the refrigerator is emptied and 4 coolers filled, as it defrosts so we do not lose it.
242. We have enough coolers to salvage our food, and enough wisdom to know how to salvage the fridge, without it costing more than ice.
243. Husband takes care of it all, while I care for the unwell.
Saturday brings me a migraine of greater discomfort than I have yet known,
244. but my mama is feeling better and takes care of little one while the rest of us recover.
Then, this sabbath day, now here I type only bits at a time as words jumble and make queasy. Although, I am useless today for household duty or child care, sleeping most of it away, I now rest and recover from the same pestering bug we have passed around.
245. Husband has the littlest one and other 2 are feeling better, and it ALMOST feels like a day off.
And perhaps what brings the most pain, brings the most beauty of them all. My mama’s step-father is in the hospital after a stroke rendered him incapacitated. In the recent past he has treated my mama with hurtful contempt and disdain.
246. Yet, merciful and graceful, I see her filled with compassion as her heart breaks for his suffering, and I learn something as I witness Christ’s forgiving love through her.
And that is what this past week has been, and through all of these ugly messes that showed up these days…
247. I stand in awe of grace that has been given, the joy that strengthens, the love that serves and patience knowing that this too will pass.
248. The Light shines, even in the darkest of days.
His Words always true. I may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers me from them all.
Psalm 34:19