I leave tomorrow for Guatemala, and the final preparations are being made. I’m near weeping at any moment. I am not sure I am ready for what I am going see, hear, touch, and smell. I do not know how to rejoice in the abundant blessings that I embrace so casually everyday, once I am in the present reality of their desperate needs.
I know that God delights in pouring out His blessing on His people. I am a recipient. But I am not sure how I am going to bear the unanswered question that I know will surface in tears as my heart floods over with grief–WHY? Why, God, do you allow such suffering?
And what can I do? Surely not enough. The need knows no bounds. Need unmet, like a vacuum steals life away until only skin and bones are left. It sucks breaths from young lungs, tiny hearts beating no more.
This offering I have here is so miniscule. But as the boy’s 5 loaves and 2 fish were able to feed thousands, I pray that God will somehow multiply it to meet the needs of multitudes. God can do that. I have to believe it.
I’ve got just one suitcase packed full of items to take with me. It won’t be enough, I know. But it’s something. Yes, that is what I say to console myself.
I’ve been purposeful about being engaged at home this week. It is amazing to me, as I am ready to depart to another country how God is deepening the love for my family even more. I know while I am there in Guatemala, He will establish me even greater in my call as wife and mama. Because remember, I want to bring them with me. We will go as a family, one day.
When I bring back the experiences, the stories and the message to my children I pray their souls will be awakened to the world God loves and believe that their hearts will break for what God’s beats for and then go back with them all to see, hear, touch and smell for themselves.
We are going to be a family of givers. I am not sure how, but ideas are flooding. Everything starts with a seed and we will offer what we have in our hands. There is no small offering that stays small when offered pure and placed in the hands of a big God.
For now, my writing and my sharing along the world wide web is my offering. Will you share, too? You can give here, if God impresses your heart to do so. Maybe you know someone who might want to?
I heard at the end of a video I saw here, paraphrased, “The only way to bring the money from earth to heaven, is to invest it in the poor.”
With all the possession I own, I pray they will never possess me or any of my family. I pray I can walk open-handed, living generous with my life.
I know while I am treading the dusty road and inhaling the anguish, I will wish that I could empty my bank accounts and give everything I have. I know I won’t. I don’t have that kind of faith yet.
But as I pray for God to strip me of it all, I am finding more and more the things in this world not only do not satisfy, but choke out the very life I desire to flow through me. I know, in the least, I will return from this trip with a new desire to live with less so that we can give more.
I must continue getting ready now. I just wanted to share what was on my heart.
I rambled on a bit. Thank you for grace.
Here are the ways you can follow along on this journey.
You can subscribe to the my blog here via email or RSS.
You can join us on Facebook.
Follow on Twitter with hashtags #iRescue and #blog4WH.
Find me on Instagram at alifesurrendered.
Follow all of the bloggers in one place at World Help.
And on Thursday, October 4th at 8:30EST, we will be streaming a Live Chat.