As I was walking out my days this weekend at the annual homeschool convention, I walked quite confident. It is the first year, after 10 years, that I am settled in curriculum I love. I listened to my favorite speaker and after, felt as if my spirit was soaring. “I finally feel like I have a handle on this call of parenting.”
Then, “WHAM!”
As if I am walking about, looking at everything else, except what’s before me and have a head on collision with concrete wall, and fall flat.
CONFLICT — and face to face with the frailty of my humanness.
A BREACH — and not knowing how to bridge the rift.
DISCORD — and feeling impotent on how to bring peace.
How did this happen and where did it come from — the strife, the disunity, the un-loving, un-forgiving, proud postures?
I am reminded, all the good is because of Him. I am bankrupt. I have nothing to offer except my brokenness. I saw something revealed in me and my children I felt was direct representation of my failure as a parent — something good I neglected to instill or impart. The enemy almost had an opportunity to use these thoughts to allow heaviness hold me disabled.
I would have found myself in an abyss of discouragement, overwhelmed by failure, but in listening to the most influential human voice in my parenting journey, I heard the words that helped me see.
“God allows conflict and uses it in our lives and relationships to reveal our true character, in order to refine us.”
I would not choose conflict as the refining tool, but I do get to choose how I respond to it. I can take the obstacle that the enemy meant as a stumbling-block, and use it as a stepping stone. If I respond well, God can use the conflict to bring us higher, draw us deeper in Him, and bring us closer to each other.
God uses this conflict in the relationships between:
mama and child
child and child
mama and dad
mama and the cares of life she forgets to cast…
to draw the impurities to the surface, to reveal the flaws of my character, the faults that I possess, the weaknesses I have — not so I can fall despondent as my eyes are open to my failings, but so I can be transformed into His likeness. I can use it as an opportunity to allow the grace of God to pour through my life to others.
It is easy to love when others are lovable. It’s when they have behaved in a way towards us that jabs and presses, and is painful and agitating, that we are faced with a difficult choice. We can react, walking in the flesh the conflict has awakened, or we offer mercy freely, as we have been given, and reflect the character of God, as we love as Christ loves.
This is what I found myself repeating to myself over and over, and sharing with my children.
This conflict reminded me, when I hold it all in my hands, how easy it unravels. It is God who holds all things together. When I forget, and endeavor in my own strength, it truly is a masterpiece made of sand, not just on sand, I am creating. When the tides rise and even the smallest wave comes pouring over, what I have worked so hard to make beautiful is indistinguishable from any other unformed mound of sand on the shore.
I want God to have His way, and have His masterful hands create in us — beauty from ashes. To take what the enemy made for harm and turn in for good. To work all things for the good of those that love Him. I am not the builder, here. Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain that build it. |Psalm 127:1|
Although the weekend brought challenges I did not expect,
I am grateful, so very thankful for…
459. words of truth revealed through others who have been here before and can help me navigate my way through.
460. children’s hearts that are still pliable in the hands of a gentle loving God.
461. Husband who speaks wisdom and leads by God’s Spirit.
462. a fun trip to Aquatica before we made it to the convention.
463. provision to attend a homeschool convention.
464. a beautiful luxurious resort to stay at.
465. a discounted rate to stay there.
466. groceries and a hot plate to keep our brood fed, without breaking the bank.
467. an unexpected tasty sweet treat.
468. listening to Tim Elmore speak.
469. being encouraged in mentoring my children.
470. thumbing through countless books that just stir my heart to read and grow.
471. God opening my eyes, to help focus and refine my mission and fuel the flame of my passion for homeschooling.
472. Husband joining us for the convention.
473. Husband being excited about being there.
474. seeing all the dads at the homeschool convention, for it encouraged me to see God turning the hearts of the fathers toward their children and the hearts of the children to the fathers.
475. even though there was a conflict and a rustling, God brought unity.
476. God deepening our relationship in Him and with each other.
477. opportunities to connect to hearts of each of my children, individually.
478. renewed strength.
479. being filled with joy.
480. God bringing peace that surpasses understanding.
481. being able to stay at home with my children and mentor them.
482. clear direction on what to do for the upcoming school year.
483. being refreshed in my vision to homeschool.