“It is time.” This I heard whispered as I was walking about doing my simple daily tasks. I believe it is time to root out the old and make room for the new that God has planned on the road before me.
It was going on three years that we, every Sunday with 3 children in tow, commuted to a church 2 hours away from our home. We were willing to jump in 110%, but wondered, how could we, living so far from the home city of this church, be of any use? No doors were open for us to relocate.
I was searching for an answer to the question that I hoped would help me find my place in the Kingdom of God.
“What is it that you see in me that could be of use to the Kingdom of God?”
Only God could really provide such answers. I lived more years than I care to count, imprisoned by my own feelings of inadequacy and uselessness. I know I set myself up for disappointment and hurt, when I set my expectations so high. As disappointment clouds and hope deferred makes one sick, it made it all the more challenging to find find the way. But, Husband and I made the decision to look for the way to serve in a church closer to home.
It has been three years since we made that decision. Now, by His grace, I am beginning to unfold and embrace the gifts God has given me to use to display His splendor.
As I invite
into this wounded place
the One Who binds up the broken-hearted,
Light will shine, and I will find
the Healer’s salve to be like honey to my soul.
I have begun a new journey, and He has provided a new beginning.
In this new place, I find new thanks.
I am thankful…
263. For seeing God’s preservation, though we were left without a covering, “We sat down in the God’s presence, spent the dark nights in Shaddai’s shadow, Saying this: “God, You’re my refuge. I trust in you and I’m safe — we are safe!” Psalm 91:1-2 (MSG)
264. even though past rejection I felt, brought pain, it also marked the beginning of discovering what His grace really is.
265. for this also paved the new way of finding Jesus in my home, in my messy life, where I longed for Him to be all along.
266. for best friends who walked similar roads as mine, although they are cites and states apart, just thinking of them fills my heart with peace, as they do not have to be near for me to feel their love, because we are knitted together in spirit.
267. for His redeeming love in providing new life-giving relationships.
268. for a new-found leader in my life, who has been a completely unexpected, but welcome gift of grace to me.
269. for this new leader, who I also called, friend.
270. for finding this new relationship to be God-breathed.
271. for her continual affirmation and encouragement through her genuine words and love.
272. for when I do not believe in myself, she sees gifts in me I do not yet see, and blows wind in these sagging sails.
273. for beginning to fear these gifts, less and less.
274. for another mentor, who even before she really knew me, looked me in the eye to speak to me and remembered my name, and how by this, God showed me His true ways of leadership — servanthood and love.
275. for this same mentor, who equipped me with tools I needed, aided in the reconstruction of my soul and helped me forever be changed, so I may leave a godly legacy.
276. for a mama who only always sees the best in me, and who will forever be my biggest cheerleader.
277. for a husband who desires to see his wife become all that God has designed for her.
278. for the same husband who proves loud by his actions — he supports me.
279. for still, the same man, who is my gift, saying blogging has made me better, and he sees a good change in me.
280. for him never complaining about the time I spend writing and even provides me with it.
281. for this same underserved gift, Husband, dreaming way bigger dreams for me than I would ever dare to dream on my own.
282. for now, something new.
283. for fearing church, less and less.
284. for after three years of wandering, we are finding a new covering, a new church to call home.
285. to God, for He has provided us new pastors.
286. And even tonight, at services end, our new pastor found us. He comes along side and expresses, “You know, as we get older, wife and I, we look at the people God gives us to lead, as children. We see the potential in you and want to raise you up in it. We are like spiritual parents.” Unknowingly, he brought hope and healing to my soul.
Today, with cautious optimism, I gaze into the future, and with eyes open wide. I want to see all of what God wants do with this life to bring glory to His name. Although I may not see very well, past the bend in the road, I have hope. I have hope that we are BELIEVED in. Hope that we will be used to reach the lost and the broken, and somehow change lives for all eternity. I have hope that we, as a family, will be of great use to God and His will in the earth. Hope, that the love of Christ will permeate through our lives, and as the only conquering force, snatch others out of darkness. Hope that we have finally found a safe place to rest and to labor and to sow into God’s Kingdom with our whole-selves.