They make jokes about these types. Everyone knows someone who is… A PERFECTIONIST. But only someone who is, knows what a difficult way of life it is to live like one.
To have the burden weigh so heavy.
a burden no one has asked me to carry,
as if my own voice is whispering in my ear…
It is not good enough!
Not good enough!
You are not good enough!
My default — eyes that see, see every wrong thing in everyplace, in everything, in everyone.
All the while, racing senseless
towards a vanishing line of perfection
that can never be crossed on this side of eternity.
PERFECTION… Truly an impossible thing, except for God Who Is.
If it was not for grace, the guilt and shame would weigh heavy for the burden I put on others to perform, for making my husband and children think they aren’t good enough, far too long. If only they new the war inside, I battle against myself. Only God could save me from such a war, and did. Only God can give me eyes to see all the beauty and the good that is around me, and He did.
To know a God who loves me despite my faults, is the God whose love my mind cannot comprehend, but my heart excepts full. The One Who set me free and helped me let go and know performance is not what He desires, and perfection is not what He requires. I can cease from running circles and tumbling summersaults and striving to stand out as the best, because He loves me the way I am, and even the parts that still need fixing.
It is a work for You to do and mine to rest in You.
Nothing I can do…
will lose Your love or earn it greater.
You already proved my worth,
when You said I was worth
dying for, and DID.
Help me show mercy like You have shown me.
Help me give grace like You give me.
249. And this prayer I pray daily, and this prayer He answers.
250. He gave us a 4th gift. Eight years after our last gift was born, came this precious Hope.
I could tell of a 1000 ways how she has changed me, changed us.
I stand in awe and wonder of it all.
251. She has helped me know GRACE.
252. She’s awakened me to life.
253. She causes me to slow down.
254. She shows me how grown up she is, and gets her bowl of cereal on her own.
I grab my camera ready to capture the moment of her practicing independence that makes us smile big. Instead, I capture a spill.
But the bowl travels a little too close to the edge, and now I have a choice. This recovering perfectionist chooses not to put her camera down, and get frustrated. No.
255. I look through the viewfinder and find GRACE.
256. We can celebrate our mistakes, because these we learn from. These make us better.
257. I look at my weakness as an opportunity for God to display His strength and grace through me. 2 Corinthians 12:10 (Ah… this is #8 of our Affirming Words we are still memorizing.)
258. We do not have to cry over spilled milk, or cereal. We learn. We grow. We clean up. And we capture moments.
259. And receive the grace that is offered. Receive the help we need.
I purpose to live each day knowing that the value of a person is not found in what they do, or how well they do it, but in who they are.
I have to ask myself before I say it loud, complain or belittle, “Is it worth sacrificing our relationship over? Are they worth the dirty sock on the floor or the trash under the bed, or the dirty dishes in the bedroom?
No. They are worth dying for and they belong to Him.
260. Whatever I’m not, He IS.
261. God has used this baby girl to slow me down enough to hear His gentle whisper, “You are GOOD ENOUGH because I AM.”
262. It was a perfect sacrifice
by a perfect Person
to perfect some very
imperfect people.
Hebrews 10:14 (MSG)