I look forward to 5 Minute Fridays, linking-up with The Gypsy Mama, and an incredibly beautiful community here. There is something wonderful in allowing words to flow, unhindered — just write what pours after being stirred from reading one word, and then write for only 5 minutes. Today, the word  is IDENTITY. Here is my 5 minutes worth…

“What are you thinking? Don’t you want to finish school or something? Don’t you want to do something with your life?” These weren’t just thoughts, they were words spoken directly to me.

I call my first year as a stay at home mama — the year of crisis — identity crisis.

I had always been a most studious student, receiving accolades and good grade from elementary through college. I had only 3 semesters left of earning a Bachelors degree in elementary education, and I became pregnant with my second daughter. I was so fatigued and weary from morning sickness, and I was still learning how to be a wife.

So I quit school, and became a stay-at-home wife and mama.

But for one who derived her value from A’s on tests and certificates of achievements, I lost all sense of worth. There was no award for a load of laundry done. Laundry wasn’t ever done. There was no paycheck at the end of the week, compensating me for all the labor. There was no certificate earned for tidying up every hour of the day.

This was the year I was stripped. I was stripped of everything that I held onto as a crutch to hold me up. Stripped of everything that I allowed to define my worth. This was the year — 13 years ago — that Jesus began teaching me of my identity in Him.

I found myself more than once, piled in a heap on the floor crying out to God, “I feel like such a waste. There has got to be more than this,” while, deep down knowing being home with my children was my sacred calling — I am raising godly seed.

Here I am, that many years later and I am still being ever more deeply established in knowing — the devil is a liar, and does not want me to know my eternal value and identity are settled because of Christ. Jesus has called me by name, and called me to be a mama — and wholeheartedly, joyfully invested, I am, four times over.