What happens when you don’t live your passion?

Somewhere along the way, I stopped living mine. Somewhere along the way I lost myself. Somewhere along the way I gave my blog away. There’s no pretty way to say it — I crashed and burned. In my effort to do what I thought I was supposed to do as a blogger, I sacrificed too many of the wrong things. I have no excuse. I let it steal from every part of my life, and I didn’t even see it.

I took my regular week-long-blog-break, it turned into two months, and nearly became indefinite. I almost quit it all. Seriously. I blurted the words out to my husband, “I quit. I’m done! I’m shutting it all down.”

“No you’re not quitting,” he replied.

“I quit in my heart,” and I did. I didn’t plan on going back, not the same.

There was a chasm between my online life and my home life and that shouldn’t be.

There was a rift between my passions and what I actually produced. I lost control of my yes and my no. My passions got smothered and nearly snuffed out in the process. We need passion, friends. We need to live our God-given passions. They motivate us, and living them fuels us. Live your passions, the ones God lit aflame in your hearts.

What blogging became for me was not what I ever intended, in some good ways and some, not so much. Somewhere along the way, I gave my blog away to “they” and “them.”  I decided posting what I thought “they” wanted was better. I began living my online life trying to please “them.” People-pleasing never ends well.

Who are “they and them,” anyway? The famous yet vaguely elusive and mostly invisible yet strangely powerful false reality and counterfeit ideal we so often give up our lives to. Or maybe just I do.

And by living for “they or them,” we lose ourselves. It’s easy to do. It happens ever-so-subtly.

Good opportunities come our way, we want to please, and the “yes” comes easy. We take on more and more, and then before we know it, we are faced with deadlines and commitments we can’t keep. We try to, yet not without sacrificing. Sacrificing things we were never meant to; our walk with God, our health, our children, our spouses, our home, our true-selves.

Because those “good” opportunities, you see, they weren’t ours to give our “yeses” to. And when we give them away, foolishly, without weighing the cost, we pay dearly. When we say yes to something, we say no to something else. And sometimes it’s God’s best we end up saying no to.

All the while we end up following a path that wasn’t meant for us. But the weight of commitments and deadlines leave us reaching forward, spinning a million plates, trying to keep it all going. That is, until, we crash and burn. It’s only a matter of time.

Confusion and depression set in long before the burn-out. When we’re over-committed and not choosing to live our passions, fatigue and exhausted quench our zeal for life. And there’s nothing left to give. Then, we don’t want to do anything. And unaware, we wonder why. “Why have I run dry?”

I crept a slow crawl in my new desert, feeling desperately alone, and God met me there.

He showed me the error of my ways. Not to condemn, but to help me up, revive me, breath new life into me again to aid me in re-discovering who I am and why I am. And He will do the same for you, no matter what desert you are in. But, there’s a time for healing that is necessary. Take it. You will be better for it. Your family, your ministry, your influence will be better for it.

We have limited resources. And I’m not talking about just money, but energy and time. We must spend wisely, choosing not just the “good” things, but the “best” things for us, our purpose, our mission. And we must know what that is. If you are not sure, start seeking. God knows. He designed you, and He wants you to know.

To live your passion means to be true to yourself, and I wasn’t.

For me, it’s time, and I am taking my blog back. I want to write and share about what I’m living, learning, practicing and passionate about. And I cared TOO much about what everyone else thought to do it before. Only I get to steward this, and answer for it, not “they and them.” And the same goes for everything God has entrusted me with.

Being wrapped up in “they and them,” I lost sight of God, my family, myself, but also of “you.” Each individual, uniquely gifted, “you” that come visit, read my words, and maybe stay for a while. In the blogging world you might be called a number, reader, follower, reach. But I call you, friend and sojourner.

With all the changes coming, I hope you decide to stay, of course. If you do, I’d like to connect with you more, hear from you, learn your stories. If not, I completely understand. Your time is valuable, as is mine. You go where you know you will see good fruit in your life as a result.

This week, I am going to tell you what you can expect from me, and what you will find when you visit this place. Things are changing. First content, then aesthetics and possibly the name. But all in time — the right time, friends.

I’m back.