I’m sitting in the food court in an airport in the Dominican Republic while I tap out these words. I’m on the last leg of my trip I took to Haiti to meet Danita’s Children with my husband and World Help. There are stories to tell. I am honored to be a teller of them — His stories. And by telling them, I just may be a part of them, too. It will be a process — I’m always in process — working through what I’ve seen and heard and what it means for this mama has and what God’s saying in all of it. And that’s what this blog is slowly becoming. A mama seeking what place I have in the big picture plan God has for the world He loves, and how to help my children discover the same. 

I’m just sharing my wonderings today. Some questions that I’ve had that have kept me uncomfortable. It’s hard to find rest when you’re uncomfortable. And maybe uncomfortable is just where I’m supposed to be. I joined the writers who write brave for five minutes at Lisa-Jo Baker’s place. Here’s my write.

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Something I love about Pinterest is how many creative ideas there are to take what I think is worthless and make it something useful. Or what I think is trash and make it something beautiful.

And it makes me think, when I stand before God on that day, will He show my life and all that I had, like a Pinterest board? Will He show me what I could have done with what I thought was worthless, useless, or trash? Would He show the number of lives that would have been saved if I had used those things differently? Sought Him for a creative way to use what was in my hands for His holy, eternal purpose?

Will my life be a Pinterest board, full of amazing could-dos, should-dos, wish-to-dos, beautiful to the eyes, inspiring to the heart, but nothing more than 2 dimensional images and nothing tangible to show?

Or maybe because of grace, He would only celebrate those things I did offer Him, and those things I did do to lead someone’s life to Him for eternity.

But would I know? Would I just know because I’ll find out on that day, what a great God of impossibilities He is, that I could’ve done exceedingly more because of His power? If I trusted, really, truly trusted? Would I discover fear for what it really is? A hoax? A malicious deception? An impotent power that I relinquished my life to?

While the same power that raised Christ from the dead — lived in me. And I could live out the reality of being more than a conquerer through Christ.

I just don’t know. But this I do know, I don’t want to wait to find out on that day that my hands are full with an offering of regret, full of what could have been, bulging with potential waiting to be drawn upon — sitting wasted. And lay an un-lived life at the Master’s feet.

And perhaps these wonderings are an unsettling in my soul to keep me awake. To keep me in pursuit of the One who holds every answer. And from the pursuit, I never want to find rest. Not when it could mean the matter of life and death for another — both now and for eternity.