Friends, I am honored to be hosting the chapter 5 discussion for the “To Walk or Stay book study.” In “To Walk or Stay”, lara g. williams shares her story of discovering her husband’s infidelity, her own heart-transformation and continuing with God’s story of redemption and restoration in her and her marriage. Have yet to purchased the book? Click here… If you are new here, and have joined us for the “To Walk or Stay” book study, welcome! I love meeting new people. I’m Michele-Lyn, and I’m glad you are here. If you’d like to know a little “about me” that page is a great place to start, later.  🙂

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But I have a right to be loved…

Chapter 5 in To Walk or Stay is titled, “But I have a right to be loved.” I read, and re-read it slow and steady with an open heart and mind to what God would reveal to me about my own heart-condition. Did you purpose to read it the same? What did God show you?

I am inspired by Lara’s courage in opening-up becoming heart-bare and telling honestly her own struggles in desiring her husband’s love to fulfill her, when only God’s love really could. She shares, “When my husband didn’t live up to the list, I wrestled with feelings of rejection and frustration. Then, instead of being a wife who poured out grace and interceded for my husband, I selfishly demanded my Biblical rights to love.”

And this is when her words struck a cord in my own heart. When we take the stand in demanding our own rights, we are not reflecting Christ’s character. “We reflect His when we lay down our rights. We honor Him when we esteem others higher than ourselves…He called me to esteem my husband higher than myself. He challenged me to serve him from a heart of love rather than insist he serve me.” p.75, 69

I’m not always so good at that. My flesh may be weak, but my spirit is willing and Christ is my example to follow. “He took the lead, denying His rightful glory and then carrying His cross to that holy mountain. He may call us to die to self and lay down our fleshly pursuits, but it’s only because His blessings so far outweigh our self-agenda.” p.70, 73

Recently I studied my personality type based on the test that gives you four letters. While studying the profile I discovered something that’s become a sort of epiphany for me. I never thought of myself this way, but part of my personality was described as “fiercely independent.” Doubtful, I asked my husband and he concurred emphatically.

Then, the reason for some of my struggles became clear. God has called me to be wholly dependent on Him, and has used marriage to help me understand what that means. “God instructs us to have a heart attitude that willingly comes up under the headship of our husband as we would the Lord.” p.65 It’s a process. While submitted under the hand of God, I’ve submitted to my husband, and I learned it isn’t as much for his sake as it is my own. It’s part of what God has used this to help refine me and transform me into His image.

“Rights-claiming doesn’t reflect Him…Jesus, the God-man, actually laid down all of His rights.” p.66

Thirteen years ago God began teaching me the life-long lesson of coming to understand what this verse means. “Listen carefully: Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you’ll have it forever, real and eternal.” (John 12:24 NLT)

The year I became a stay-at-home mama. That was the year I had to surrender, and let the dream-seeds die. My husband was beginning a new business venture and God spoke to my heart, “You cannot pursue your dreams and go one way, and have your husband pursue another, not without your family suffering.”

I gave up my rights, held on to this promise from Him, “If you yield, allow the seed to die, and support your husband in pursuing his dream, then I will pave the way for yours. Your time will come.” And this year, more than a decade later, I am beginning to see this promise fulfilled. God is faithful. But I’m still in the process of learning how to live a life surrendered.

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I selected a few questions from the study at the end of chapter 5.

Tell us in comments, how does Jesus’ example challenge your own rights-claiming mentality?

What does it look like to esteem others as better than ourselves?

Who is God challenging you to esteem better than yourself?

Or share thoughts of your own, perhaps your favorite quote or what resonated in your own heart?

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