How do I wake up full of joy that is to be my strength when the night turns to morning, and I hardly slept? The earth turns, the sun rises, time ticks on, no matter if eyelids are heavy and limbs are weak — I must get up.
What is it that I am trying to say today? I do not know, as the endeavor to form my words seems to be painfully producing a jumbled mess. I am attempting to make sense and decipher my scribbles, and transform them into text. Though, I know the issue is not illegible writing, or numerous scattered notes.
The problem is, I am empty. I do not know how I allow myself to get this way. I do not know — how to not. My moments alone to bring myself to His feet, and wait on Him, are so few. Instead, I pour. I pour out every last bit of me, every single day I live. But even in the pouring, I must make time for the receiving. It has been a hard lesson for this mama to learn.
My heart’s desire is to give. I want “YES” to be my answer. I make myself available to whoever needs, and whatever the needs. I smile big, in making big smiles, in bringing joy into other hearts, giving gifts, writing notes, and sharing from the abundant blessings I have been given. This is where I find life — full.
But, I cannot run out, and leave myself on empty and expect to pour out — weak and weary. God forbid I give opportunity for the devil in this place.
As I’m living and breathing in the moments of the most precious treasures in my life, fighting against the distractions of this world that steal, I refocus my mind and heart, as I pause to catch my breath in the middle of the mess, in the middle of the unexpected setback —
the child who should be asleep, and isn’t, as I type this,
the broken jar, the spilled uncooked rice,
the dented fender and the leaking shower,
the ants making a happy abode in my kitchen,
the sick child and the appointment I am late to,
the husband who gives all he has and is burden heavy with trials at work,
the miscommunications and the misconceptions,
the heavy-heart that makes the body heavy.
In the middle of everything that has not gone right, and a soul that is faint, I know my very survival is in Him. I reach out, in the chaos, desperately longing to rest in the One Who can calm the storm raging, the One Whose burden is light and Who brings restoration.
I wait for You. In Your presence there is fullness of joy.
In Your presence there is peace and Your joy.
Your joy in me is my strength, and I am reminded again,
everything I need is found in You.
And this I can count as gifts You give —
287. You give power to the weary, and to him who has grown faint, You increase strength, multiplying it. Is 40:29 AMP
288. as I wait, expect, seek and hope for You, my strength is renewed, and as I am renewed, I will lift my wings as an eagle, and mount up close to You God, and with You I can run and not grow weary, and walk and not faint. Is 40:31 AMP
289. a husband who lays hands on a wife, broken, and prays for God to refill.
290. Husband, though gentle with my heart, stands strong against the enemy of my soul when I am too weak to.
291. children who give grace when I do not offer the best part of me.
292. a mama who took toddler baby girl this morning, so I may finish this post.
293. strength to hold on, when I rather be letting go and running away.
294. truth resounding louder than the lies of the enemy — knowing that what I do as wife and mama IS work fit for the Kingdom.
295. words that bring life and encouragement from friends, and from strangers becoming friends.
296. gifted worshippers that usher me into the Presence of God. (Click here, here or here, if unable to view the video)
297. God multiplying minutes that this mama has offered, and making them as hours of refilling, in a way only possible by God.
298. being grounded in truth and anchored in His word, though doubt endeavors to capsize my faith.
299. all the life-giving, love-pouring, grace-filled people that are in my life.
300. the gift of mentors.
301. words that come in a moment divine to reassure me, as I am questioning my purpose.
302. all the ENCOURAGING voices in my life that speak loud enough to drown out the lies of the enemy.
303. so few that pervert the Word of God for their own use, to control, break down, batter and bruise the Body, and the many, many more that proclaim it to free captives, build-up, encourage and bring healing.
304. the discernment to know the difference.
305. surrounded with His favor as a shield, and His glory as my rear guard. Ps 5:12, Is 58:8
306. WAKING UP TO JOY, in counting these gifts given — my eyes-wide open to discovering His grace lavished on me.
307. scratching out this post, placing it in His hands.
and this too I MUST count…
308. the glorious joyous moments flying and living and loving.
