I stumbled into bed, lastly as usual, after one of those days that seem so long-drawn it felt like more than one. And in my tiredness I was sour. Not for the tiredness of the day, for sleep is a welcome relief for that kind. It was a tiredness and weariness that went deeper than my physical aching body.
A tiredness that my soul and spirit felt and with it came frustration for my toil and the lack of result for my efforts. I do not complain about the arduous work of life, or want for a life of ease. I will walk a 1000 miles a day and never leave my kitchen. I will study and write and read until my eyes cross. Not just for the blog, but as a homeschool mama, too. I’ll do my part, and forge ahead even weary. But sometimes I need to know I’m going the right way, and it’s going to be worth it all.
My greatest dream is and always will be
to live out each an every dream God has for me.
I slid quietly and heavily in between the thin, crisp white sheets, while holding my smart phone in hand. Once I laid my head, I considered falling asleep to ten minutes of Downton Abbey that I could bring up on the PBS app. Ten minutes was about all I’d last. Then a thought came — I should read.
Reading at night is not unusual for me. The Kindle app on my phone makes it convenient to read while everyone is asleep. But what would I possible get out of just a few minutes of tired reading?
I went to Kindle anyway, and began reading where I left off of The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson
The writer continues with the story found in Luke 18, of the blind man just outside of Jericho, hailing for Jesus who was nearing the city, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me.”
Those that walked on ahead of Jesus tried to quiet the blind man’s cries. They failed. He continued.
And Jesus didn’t think him as an impertinence. He instead, replies with a most important and pointed question, “What do you want Me to do for you?”
Surely, Jesus knew what he wanted. The man was blind. And Jesus asked anyway. His inquiry prompted a reply from the blind man. Clearly, Jesus wanted the man to tell him with his own words. “Master, I want to see.”
And I knew in that moment, this also was my invitation. The breath of His whisper resuscitated my soul as He asked me,
What do you want Me to do for you?
And God wants to hear my answer in my own words. And I wonder how many times He’s asked me and how long He’s been waiting for my reply. What has held me back? What has hindered my prayers? Dare I answer with unabashed honesty? Dare I tell Him what I really, truly want?
Yes. Why did it take me so long to tell Him?
Why have I kept my petitions within the walls of fear and doubt encasing my own heart? I set them free. Tapped out my reply. I made my honest requests known. And those requests came out as audacious, God-sized dreams — hopes and dreams I found deep within.
Those hopes and dreams are encapsulated as small-type words in a 3 inch x 4 inch phone screen, yet, I know they are received by a God who is willing and delights in giving me the desires of my heart, as I delight in Him. And the One who makes the impossibilities — possible. And those few tired minutes may have changed my life forever. God will take me tired. God will take your tired.
Those audacious requests might just turn a few heads of the reader and make them wonder, “Who does she think she is?”
So, for now, the only readers of those dreams are found in my family’s circle. Yet, I am hopeful, I will be able to tell you the stories of how He answered those prayers in a God-sized way.
Jesus healed that blind man, and He made sure we knew it, too.
What keeps you from telling God what you really want?
I’ll ask you, “What do you want God to do for you?”
And you don’t have to tell me, but definitely tell God.
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