Session 3 of Awake Study: A Journey to Live Fully Awake

This post may seem like a deviation from 31ish-days of making of a home unveiled. I thought so, too. But when I began studying for it, I realized I was mistaken. This is me, and this is what you’ll find here. Me writing about motherhood and missions. There is a tension and conflict within as I try to reconcile living fully in my first-world home, while remembering how I’ve seen courageous, strong mamas trying to survive, making a home in the third-world.

I’ve been to impoverished villages in Guatemala and walked by patchworks of metal, wood, and cloth pieced together to be made a home.

I’ve seen stacks of mud bricks drying in the sun’s heat intended to  be used to make a home that could wash away in one afternoon of rain pouring. And wondered how the children stay dry in mud homes that are washing away.

I’ve witnessed mamas in two, third-world countries sweep their dirt floors with straw brooms. I think God made sure I saw them.

I’ve watched women cook in outdoor kitchens that were barely recognizable as such, and was told, as we walked down the dusty village road, “This is a luxury kitchen for them.”

Even with all I am blessed to have, it’s still easy to complain. I wish it wasn’t.

This week, I’ve been on edge, and you know what that means as a mama. My patience has run thin. I’ve been short with my children. I’ve whined about cooking dinner, and grumbled at the mounds of laundry that mock me.

I just finished writing part 1, 2 and 3 of “When what you build is not your dream home.” Right smack in the middle of telling my story, He’s reminding me. He’s not condemning me. He cares about the sense of grief I felt, as comes with anything that feels like a loss. He doesn’t shun me because of the struggles I should have already overcome. And He doesn’t ignore my pain in the disappointment. Hope deferred can make any heart sick.

So, this study, a journey to live fully awake, is what I needed this week. Today. Right now. I’ve prayed for God to awaken my soul to the hurting world He loves.

You see, being asleep insulates us from pain. Being asleep makes it easy for us to live unaffected by unimaginable injustices, and inconceivable reality of how things actually are. And being awake, fully awake, is uncomfortable. It interrupts regular life. It requires us to be aware of suffering we maybe don’t really want to know about.

There are stories in this chapter of Noel’s book that I skimmed over. Reading the words cursorily, trying not to let the pain of them touch me. When I read about the indescribable pain, children whose innocence was barbarically stolen from them, and phrases like “destined to die” or “buried alive,” it became more than I can bear.

It’s incomprehensible. How could a God who is a God of love not fix this?

And then He asks me the same question, “How can you not?”

He’s reminding me to keep it all in perspective. “The blessings you’ve been given, they are okay to enjoy, but live open-handed ready to give at any moment. They are good to have, as long as they don’t have you. It’s alright to put your hands to work, but not right to use your busyness as an excuse to not act on behalf of the least of these. Be willing to see, be willing to the hear the story, and then be willing to do something that will change their story.”

Chapter 5: I knew you would come.

“Children around the world are waiting. They are waiting for someone to rescue them from hunger, disease, sickness, abuse, and slavery. They long to say, ‘I knew you would come.’” — Noel Yeatts, Awake

I peered through the viewfinder at first. Then I came out from behind the lens to really see. Her big, beautiful, brown, sad eyes caught mine. I saw my baby girl in them. And when I read this in Awake, “It’s funny how you see your own children in the eyes of others. I have seen my children all around the world,” I immediately thought of her.

The memory of this little girl is a memory that is etched into my mind, and has a permanent place in my heart. I imagine her as my own little girl, holding her hands out, receiving her only meal for the day.

We were at one of the many feeding centers found all over Guatemala. This one was at the dump, where this little girl, her family, and many others toiled daily to rummage through other’s waste to tirelessly gather, what we would consider worthless, in order to sell it and receive what equated to be only quarters a day — just to survive.

This was her home.

“I truly believe that if we want to change our world and really make a difference, there is no better place to start than in the life of a child.” Noel Yeatts, Awake

I believe this is true, and I used to think it only meant my own children.

Chapter 6: The Ripple Effect

Sometimes our inaction is a result of feelings of powerlessness. That we cannot do anything that will make any real difference at all, so we live indifferent. We don’t want to know their pain because we feel we cannot alleviate it. We don’t want to feel their pain, because it pains us.

Noel quoted Robert Kennedy in saying, “Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against an injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope.” And she went on to say a statement I echo, “I believe if we send out a ripple of hope for women and girls around the world, we will see it return tenfold. We will see a ripple effect that really can change the world.”

Chapter 6 could really be a whole series of its own, as it deals with devastating and complex issues women all over are dealing with.  Noel states, “I believe that if you want to truly change the world today, this one issue and cause you simply cannot ignore. But it is also impossible to address all the issues facing women and girls around the world today in one chapter.” Or one book, for that matter.

Noel attempts to summarize and give a broad over view of some of those issues women and girls are facing today: poverty, HIV/AIDS, rape, gender discrimination, trafficking, maternal health, education.

All this is overwhelming. It is to me. As I type, my healthy, well fed, safe three year old little girl is sitting next to me with book in hand. And my prayer becomes again, “How can I reach the world from home, while I’m living to be a maker of one?”

I know the answer is to act.

But, do what?

Do what is right in front of you. For me, in this moment, it means stopping every few minutes and taking 30 seconds to read a short book over and over to my little girl. And as I live out my days and cross paths with people from all different walks of life, whether I be in my own city or  a foreign country, in order to see what is right in front of me, I must be fully awake.

Questions for You + My Own Answers

I’d love to know yours. You can answer in comments.

1. How do you reconcile all this? I’m still in the process.
2. Where are you in your journey? I’m not sure the awakening will ever end, but I am more willing to see and act today, than I have ever been.
3.  How is He changing the way you think? Perspective is everything. I want to see what He sees, how He sees. Then my thoughts will come into line with His.
4. What do you hear God speaking to you to do? Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone right in front of me the next time I am in a public place. Lead my children by example. Redefine what sacrifice means to me. 
5. What does this mean for you and I? Noel quotes Mother Teresa on page 70, “When a poor person dies of hunger, it has not happened because God did not take care of him or her. It has happened because neither you nor I wanted to give that person what he or she needed.” God does not lay guilt on us. Sometimes every single need or story heard feels like a guilt trip, and when we respond in guilt we begin to get resentful. Guilt is not a healthy motivator for goodness. Knowing God’s heart for the poor, is. He’s called us to be His contact.

P.S. As of today, Noel’s book is on sale for $6.99. Click here, if you’d like to purchase it. [affiliate link]

See all posts in the series: Making of a Home [Unveiled]