I wondered what this day would be like. I wondered if I would be excited and celebrate in some way. Maybe a giveaway? No, not today. Today, I am writing this post 2 days after my one year blogging anniversary, 3 days after coming home. Not only am I late, but I am not as celebratory as I thought I would be. I’ve been quiet the last couple of days — here and on the social networks. I am still processing, upon my return from Guatemala.

When I began blogging I wondered if these words would go anywhere. Never did I imagine that these words would take me somewhere. I am still in awe, that one year after I began blogging God took me to Guatemala, another world. I am still carrying in my heavy-heart the babies I carried in my arms, the mamas who looked on with helplessness as their babies were being saved — by strangers and even strangers from another world.

Three days ago I returned home from blogging in Guatemala. Blogging to share the stories of those who cannot tell them themselves. Blogging for World Help with other bloggers, to share the mission of the Rescue that is taking place each and everyday. Do you know while I was there, within 48 hours, 16 babies were rescued? Sixteen dying children, rescued. The death of one has been harder to process than I thought. The others still have hope for new life. With this, I quiet my soul.

One year ago, on October 8, 2011, I published

my first post here, and the words are below.

What if?

What if no one reads it?

What if no one likes it?

What if I start and don’t finish?

What if???

What do I have to say that someone hasn’t said before???  Nothing. But I have to think, as each snowflake is unique and each fingerprint is different, so are how my words fit together, how I navigate through each step of this journey called life, what I feel, and how I see. I have to ask… What if the words that flow from my heart are my gifts to give, and I stay mute?  What if this part of what I am supposed to contribute to my world, and I hold back?  What if God wants to use my life lived-out-loud to bring encouragement to others, and I keep silent?  What if my struggles and what I have learned through them will help someone through theirs, and I keep them hidden?  What if the grace I have received is not intended to keep for myself, and I don’t share?  I do not want to wait to find out the answers when I stand before Him on “That Day”.

I cannot predict the manner in which God uses my life,
or how many other lives He will touch through mine,
but I cannot let fear hold me back.

If I do not try, I have failed already.

I hope this blog will be great, not because of the number of followers, readers or comments, but because God receives it as an offering to Him, as a living sacrifice of worship. As I go against my nature, become vulnerable and exposed, sharing from my heart, my life, my challenges and struggles, my difficulties and failures, my successes and victories, my blessings and gifts, and let you see what is most precious to me, which is my family, I have to wonder…

What if God will take it to the ends of the world,

and use it… for HIS GLORY?

 

Here I am, one year later, 3 days after coming home

after blogging from Guatemala.

And after what I have seen and where I have been, I now ask myself this…

“What if my YES to God is a matter of life and death for another —

both now and for eternity? What if?”

Picture by Join the Lights

I am not the same, friends. I will never be the same again.