Somedays, I lament over my past where so many great moments, beautiful gifts, lay waisted, ignored and disposed in the dark caverns of ungratefulness. All the while, I was relinquishing joy, too busy to notice glorious moments fleeting and giving no thought to trifle over such trifles. Too hasty, too hurried to even know I should care. Or worse, trying to control them, driving out peace that I am to seek and pursue.
It profits me none to grieve for long over the days gone past, for I will miss the wonder of NOW. The moments that I am now living. The moments that are overflowing with enough grace and mercy to get me through the messiest and ugliest of days. These moments that are my love gifts from God. They are holy snippets of His glory revealed, and if I keep my eyes, in child-like wonder, wide open–I will see. These moments redeemed, that Jesus yielded His power to sacrifice everything He was, so that I could live them life abundant.
Why has it been such a struggle all these years to hold tightly to the joy of motherhood? I do not know the whole answer. I do know that the enemy of my soul sets out to divide and destroy my home. I know, I AM IN A WAR, a war for my soul, a war for my children’s souls. Though I am pressed on every side by troubles, I am not crushed. Though I maybe perplexed or frustrated, I am not driven to despair. 2 Corinthians 4:8 Yielded, I am to Abba, as I know He is using my struggle to transform this mind to be like His, to cause this heart to beat with His, to mold this soul into an image that is His.
Even though many times I have fallen under the weight of the burden I endeavor to carry in my own failing strength, I know how far He has brought me. He is the Master Designer and this life’s Author, and I am His masterpiece still hidden in the wonder that is God.
I will NOT ever give up on who I am to be in Him, as giving up on myself would mean giving up on the promise that He will never forsake me.
Hebrews 13:5
Giving up on myself would mean giving up on the grace by which I am saved, the grace that is sufficient, the grace that is a gift from God, the grace by which I am justified, the grace by which He tasted death so that I could receive.
2 Corinthians 12:9, Ephesians 2:8, Romans 3:24, Hebrews 2:9
Giving up on myself would mean rejecting Him who had no sin, that was made to be sin for me, so that in Him I might become the righteousness of God.
2Corinthians 5:21
“It is finished,” He declared. So what of my past? I must bury all sense of failure and disappointment in myself and others, all loss of hope, thoughts of unkindness and bitterness, all of my dislikes and resentments, my gloom and despondency and leave them all forgotten. I must go forward to a new and risen life…
Choosing to remember His marvelous works which He has done.
Choosing to remember His tender mercies and His loving kindnesses.
Choosing to remember His faithfulness to His holy promises.
My past does not exist, except to remind me of the goodness of God. I must store only the blessings from Him, and this day of counting of gifts, I recount blessings and preservations of days from years gone past.
So today, I remember, and I am thankful for…
205. a mama whose love unconditional embraced and accepted and showered me with grace almost 18 years ago.
206. these new births captured through the viewfinder, a new babe in Christ holding new breath, both in spirit and in arms, though only God could see truly this field of view through His lens that frames my life.
207. this young mama holding life that could have easily been lost, graduating high school with honors, beating the odds because of a God who takes the foolish things to confound the wise.
208. the beginnings of new love and a relationship founded on Him, as never before have I known, and the healing of Christ loving me, through him..
209. the day we were joined as ONE in this holy matrimony. A beautiful covenant of love that wields a power that is still a mystery, feared by the devil who seeks to destroy it.
210. when we fell in love, they fell in love and biology cannot differentiate. Faithful Father answering the petitions that came through travail, to bring a daddy to love baby girl.
211. this second born baby girl that first baby girl holds, who has the attributes of both the Lion and the Lamb.
212. the diligence and discipline that astounds me as she exhibits innate leadership skills that some grown adults attend seminars and read books to develop.
214. our only son whom God whispered, “He will have a heart of a giver and full of compassion even greater than that of his father.”
